Do you hear that?
It's a little too quiet.
It's amazing the amount of thoughts that we are capable of thinking in a moment. Last night my husband had about a million thoughts run through his brain in the span of 2 minutes.
Last night we went in for a check up. We were feeling very light-hearted and excited about our appointment. Once we stepped into the examination room, we talked about the questions we would ask the doctor and shared a handful of laughs. A moment later one of the aides walks in to take my vitals. Blood pressure: Check. Weight: Check-ish. Then she checked the baby's heartbeat. I assumed my position and relaxed. She had a contraption in her hand and dumped the lovely cold gel on my stomach and got to work. My husband and I fell silent and heard nothing. She moved the wand over and over again and still, nothing. That was when I looked over at my husband and soaked in his face. Written all across it was fear. The one thing he dreaded the most, no heart beat. His face flushed, he closed his eyes and in his words,
" I prayed. I just said, 'Please don't let this be happening. If this is how it's supposed to happen, please let the doctor confirm the lack of heart beat. Please let us hear it.'"
I looked at him. For what felt like a long while, but was really a split second, I looked at him and soaked up his emotion. I felt the tiniest of panic begin to creep up, but then I heard it. A tiny heart beating inside of me. My husband, still couldn't make it out.
This visit turned out to be an emotional one. After the heartbeat escapade, we were faced with a few things. First, the great flu shot debate! My doctor was upset when I told him that my attempts at getting a flu shot were shot down. (Pun somewhat intended!) I am fortunate enough to work in a place that provides the shot- free of charge- to its employees. However, I was turned away by the nurse for being in my first trimester. My doctor explained to me that it is my legal right to receive the shot at any point in my pregnancy. He said that not having it done actually does more harm than good. Second, we've officially begun our trip down the genetic testing road. We are now praying and patiently awaiting the results. And last but not least, we had a lovely emotional ultrasound.
After doubting whether the heart beat was there or not. My husband got to see the peanut in action via an ultra sound. If it was at all possible to feel the baby kicking at 3 months I swear I would've felt it. Not only were we able to get a clear audio print of the heart beat, but we were able to see the baby moving about! I cried. I have to admit it, I couldn't help but crying out of happiness. Just knowing that in that moment, all was well.
Ahh pregnancy. One of the most amazingly scary chapters in my life.